Kicking Dr. Sears out of my head (or how I learned to trust myself)

Guest post by Kristin Craig Lai

Like all parents I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how to be a good parent and in the first year I had a lot of people’s voices in my head telling me what that meant. From food to sleep to diapering there was no shortage of opinions, even strangers on the bus were more than happy to let me know what I was doing wrong. My thoughts about parenting were peppered with phrases like “I should…” and “they say…” and “you’re not supposed to…” There was more than one point at which I gave up in frustration and exhaustion and threw the proverbial (and sometimes literal) book at the wall.

What I learned through all of that (or re-learned as the case may be) was that none of these experts, family members or random grannies knew me or my kid. There were as many “right ways” to do it as there were parenting books. Trying to make my decisions based on what “they say” was turning parenting into an exercise in judgment avoidance, even if that judgment was coming from me. At a certain point I made a conscious decision to stop worrying about “the experts”. It doesn’t mean that I never read a parenting book but it does mean that I don’t take it all as gospel.
Once I stopped worrying about the experts I was able to better focus on finding a parenting style that made sense for me, my family, and my values. I gave myself permission to make mistakes and I started taking better care of myself. I still put a great deal of thought into my parenting but it’s a self-directed negotiation based on any number of factors. It’s not any easier but there’s a lot less self-flagellation going on and that makes for a happy mommy, and we all know that a happy mommy is big step towards a happy family.

Parenting consciously, based on who I am and what matters to me, has forced me to engage in a lot of creative problem solving. I don’t always get it right but I always learn something and when my approach works, it feels so good knowing that it came from me and not “The Baby Whisperer”.

Parenting books can be a great resource, but when they start over-powering your own voice, it’s time to take a step back and find a little faith in you.
Kristin Craig Lai is a local life coach who works with parents to find their own authentic parenting style so that they can parent with confidence, faith and joy.
To find out more go to www.kristincraiglai.com or read her blog at www.blog.kristincraiglai.com